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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
Trainer, Translator,
Proofreader

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

There's a rule of thumb I've heard. Take the guy's age (e.g 40) divide by 2 and add 7: 27 is the minimum age his partner should be.

Does this rule work? What about the other way round? What's the minimum age a guy could be if the woman's older?

An ex-employee of mine recently told me she that when she was about 23, she had a boyfriend (very rich) who was 50 years old. Dunno... My gut reaction was one of slight disgust and I really went off this woman as a person, but logically what's wrong with that kind of age difference?

Any golden thoughts?
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Andrzej Pieniazek

Andrzej Pieniazek

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Steve Jones:
There's a rule of thumb I've heard. Take the guy's age (e.g 40) divide by 2 and add 7: 27 is the minimum age his partner should be.

My father was quoting this rule... However he would say that the limit for guy's age was 60...;)
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

It depends on people, and also on their appearance.
Comparison by numbers wouldn't work great, I think.
I've never heard about this mathematical equation too.

According to my experience, it depends where the partners/couples are looking at (not how do they look or what is their age). Is it the same direction? Do they expect similar things from their future?

In real life, some marriages don't last longer than 5 years anyway. If you pass 10 years, that could mostly mean the age difference didn't cause any problem.
So, while the future is not that clear (even for perfect age-match-couples), why to limit yourself with numbers?
Just concentrate on the goals, and harmonious life together.

And "the child" factor shouldn't be skipped too.

I dated a girl 12 years younger than me once. I was 30. She was cool. It could even work great, but I had to make some serious decisions about my life, and we didn't have enough time to get to know eachother.
I married a lady 9 years older than me (when I was 31). No problem with the age difference. Problems are different, because each person is different.

What I haven't date a lady who is in my age yet. But I don't think it would change my idea about age-match.

It depends on each individual/case.

But surely, couples like 90-22 doesn't sound normal. They sound like "forced couples" to me.ilter K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 06.07.08 o godzinie 18:19
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Stan K.

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Urszula K.

Urszula K. Główny Księgowy/
Kontroler ...... SP
Z O.O.

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Well guys, nice to read that the age diffrence doesn't matter, but... where is a big but in it...

Have you seen the next future-to-be Mr.Kulczyk's wife on the newspaper? Is she under 30 ? ;)
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Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

As long as you get on well and realize what future might bring, I see no problem with it. But I do prefer guys more or less my age.
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Lidia K.

Lidia K. +

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

ilter K.:
According to my experience, it depends where the partners/couples are looking at (not how do they look or what is their age). Is it the same direction? Do they expect similar things from their future?
I agree, it's about expectations. They're usually loosely related to the age group you're in but if your life is a bit unusual then the age factor doesn't matter.

My theory is that we subconsiously follow our parents' solutions when it comes to choosing a partner. Certain patterns are hard not to follow. But you may disagree, of course.

For example, for me an older partner, 'the wise man' type would be impossible. I do not need a father-like figure because my dad is still young and energetic and my parents are almost equal in their marriage.
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Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

My dad is seven years older than my mom and I think this would be the biggest age difference I'd be able to accept, at least now (scary thought though, as he'd be like forty, which still seems to be old for me in terms of going out with - maybe I just don't realize am getting older myself?). Still, life's full of surprises and love comes in all shapes and sizes (like Milk Tray!)
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Lidia K.:
ilter K.:
According to my experience, it depends where the partners/couples are looking at (not how do they look or what is their age). Is it the same direction? Do they expect similar things from their future?
I agree, it's about expectations. They're usually loosely related to the age group you're in but if your life is a bit unusual then the age factor doesn't matter.
While stating that, let's not forget about some love-drunk people.
I hope there's noone among us who is 25 (male) and fell in love with a 50 old lady. If there's, it is my duty to say: "Oh boy, you have a serious problem".
(Not a psychological problem, but practical problems like 'future', 'kids', '10 years later physical appearances' etc.)ilter K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 07.07.08 o godzinie 13:56
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Jon M.

Jon M. Technical/Offshore
English,
petrochemicals

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Steve Jones:
There's a rule of thumb I've heard. Take the guy's age (e.g 40) divide by 2 and add 7: 27 is the minimum age his partner should be.

This isn't a bad rule of thumb. A lot depends whether someone is an 'old world' or 'new world' 40. To a point, age is just a number, but some people psychologically and physiologically show their age a little too easily.

There are so many exceptions. I've met a couple with a fifty year age difference, and they did seem odd. I also heard of a man aged 48 married to a 90 year old woman. No prizes for guessing which one of them was the millionairess.
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Lidia K.

Lidia K. +

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

ilter K.:
Lidia K.:
ilter K.:
According to my experience, it depends where the partners/couples are looking at (not how do they look or what is their age). Is it the same direction? Do they expect similar things from their future?
I agree, it's about expectations. They're usually loosely related to the age group you're in but if your life is a bit unusual then the age factor doesn't matter.
While stating that, let's not forget about some love-drunk people.
I'm the last one to judge other people's relationships.
Love-drunk people do different things but I already forgot what it is. What was yours?
I hope there's noone among us who is 25 (male) and fell in love with a 50 old lady. If there's, it is my duty to say: "Oh boy, you have a serious problem".
Why do people feel the need to comment on others' lives and love life?Lidia K. edytował(a) ten post dnia 07.07.08 o godzinie 16:23
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Andrzej Pieniazek

Andrzej Pieniazek

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

ilter K.:
I hope there's noone among us who is 25 (male) and fell in love with a 50 old lady.

What about opposite?
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Andrzej P.:
ilter K.:
I hope there's noone among us who is 25 (male) and fell in love with a 50 old lady.
What about opposite?
About the same.
But the thought of having their own child would change the equation.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Lidia K.:
ilter K.:
...I hope there's noone among us who is 25 (male) and fell in love with a 50 old lady. If there's, it is my duty to say: "Oh boy, you have a serious problem".
Why do people feel the need to comment on others' lives and love life?
That wasn't a comment.
Comment is something like this: "Oh boy, you look odd together", or "Oh boy, you look fantastic together".
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Lidia K.:
I'm the last one to judge other people's relationships.
Love-drunk people do different things but I already forgot what it is. What was yours?
Selling a house and furnitures, leaving the emerging career and fun behind, moving to a colder country...
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Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Jon M.:

This isn't a bad rule of thumb. A lot depends whether someone is an 'old world' or 'new world' 40.

I think this here is the main issue.
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Steve Jones

Steve Jones Business English
Trainer, Translator,
Proofreader

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

I think that you would see a 50 year old man with a 25 year old woman way way more often than a 50 year old woman with a 25 year old man. The conclusion might be that men value youth and beauty and women value wealth and status. However, this doesn't really tally with the "women should be equal, careers for women, independence etc etc" thing. Are there certain things hard-wired into us that logic, education or current PC fashions cannot override?
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Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

How about the drive to produce offspring? I mean I've heard of 50, 60 and 70-year-old women giving birth, but how far can that go?
It's also one of the reasons women don't often go for much older man, as they might not be likely to be in their lives to support them later on. Of course, there are cases of people getting divorced and never seeing their kids again, but at least then you do have the kid (it's not always the woman who walks away with the child) and pass your genes on. In theory. Life's full of surprises though.
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Wanda B.

Wanda B. nauczycielka języka
angielskiego

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

It's only sensible for a woman to marry a younger man as, statistically, men die earlier than women...In Poland, men die at 71, women at 79. So a woman should marry a man who is at least 8 years younger, unless she wants to become a widow.
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Ilter K.

Ilter K. Business Developer,
Music Producer, AVID
Certified Instru...

Temat: Acceptable Age Difference (inspired by 5 for Fri)

Steve Jones:
... Are there certain things hard-wired into us that logic, education or current PC fashions cannot override?
Yes, and I think it is called "instincts" and "physiology".
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