Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

My Neighbours - the lesbians next door - asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,
"I wanna watch."

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Piss off your postman by telling him he is a mail escort

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A radio station was running a competition – words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”
DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”
Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”
DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Goan fuck yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:
DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.”
DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”
Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.”
DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!”

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

Mateusz P.:
My Neighbours - the lesbians next door - asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,
"I wanna watch."

warto przeglądać wcześniejsze strony ;)

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

- How to spot a blind man in a nudist colony?
- It's not hard...

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

My girlfriend got mad and told me that I treat her like a child. So, I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A rich blond buys the New Automatic BMW X6 Sport.
She drives the car perfectly well during the day,
but at night the car just won't move at all.

She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.

She then furiously calls the BMW dealer and they send out a technician to her. The technician asks

"Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears??"



Full of anger, the blond replies

"You fool, idiot man, how could you ask such a question?

I'm not stupid!! I use D for Day and N for Night.."

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and

his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married..

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all,

3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Can I get an AMEN?

Temat: dowcipy po angielsku

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "watch out for the fucking wall!'''